loss of hope (and a mother's hug)
by AtLoLevad
Summary: Oliver is dead, and Felicity is hopeless. It's time for a visit from Mama Smoak


_Dead dead dead dead dead dead_

Felicity's head pounded with a headache. All she could think about was the sword Merlyn had brought.

_Oliver was dead. _

Felicity dropped her purse to the floor and pushed her apartment door shut behind her.

_He's dead and you never got to tell him._

She choked on a sob and her legs finally gave out on her. Felicity sunk to the floor next to her couch, body shaking with the force of her tears. Her head was pillowed on her arms, make-up smudging everywhere.

Somewhere either her cell phone or her landline rang. Felicity wasn't sure. All she was sure of was the fact that there was a sword covered with Oliver's blood down in the Foundry and she had been left behind again.

A new wave of tears fell down her face.

The phone rang again. And then a third time. And a fourth.

On the fifth ring, Felicity finally pulled herself up and reached for the cordless phone on her kitchen counter.

She didn't even get a word out before Donna Smoak's voice blasted through the speakers, "Felicity! I've been trying to reach you for practically a week now! You missed our weekly catch-up and I've been worried. Are you okay? It took you so long to answer the phone just now."

Felicity's tears started again, it felt like she would never stop crying, now that she had started.

"Mom?" her voice cracked on the one syllable.

Miles away, Donna's stomach twisted in knots at the broken sound of her only child's voice.

"Felicity? Sweetheart, what happened?" Donna asked frantically, "Are you hurt?"

What a funny question, Felicity thought. Physically she was perfectly fine, but no one really considered mental or emotional pain as being hurt.

She couldn't quite stop crying enough to answer her mom, instead she hyperventilated into the phone.

"Felicity," Donna's tone was firm, "I'm on my way there right now. But until I get there call someone to be with you. Call Oliver, or Mr. Diggle."

At the sound of Oliver's name, Felicity's sobs increased and she wrapped her arms around her stomach, folding in on herself.

_Call Oliver_. Her mom had said it like it was so simple.

Through her tears, Felicity managed to say, "Mom, please don't come. I'm fine."

As far as blatant lies went, this was a huge one. And Donna Smoak was no idiot.

"Oh, Felicity," Donna's voice softened, "Whatever this is, you'll come out of it stronger. I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

Felicity nodded, too tried and drained to protest anymore. She hung up the phone and curled up on her couch.

She cried herself to sleep.

* * *

><p>The front door opening is what wakes Felicity up hours later.<p>

"Oliver?" she says hoarsely. She _knows_ she shouldn't think it's him; that Oliver is dead. But _god she needs it to be him. _

"Felicity?" And no, it's her mother's voice that answers. Not Oliver's.

Felicity sits up on the couch and looks at Donna. She definitely left Vegas as soon as she could, because this version of her mother is wearing sweatpants, no make-up and a ponytail.

It's nice to see her so underdressed.

Tears rush to Felicity's eyes, surprisingly not because of Oliver this time, but because her mom actually rushed to see her without hesitation.

"Mom," Felicity's voice broke and Donna dropped her suitcase and rushed to sit next to Felicity on the couch.

"Oh my beautiful girl," Donna breathed, hugging Felicity tight, "You just let it out."

Felicity's arms looped around her mother's back, her face pressed into the soft material of Donna's sweatshirt.

Donna whispered soothing nothings into Felicity's ear as she rubbed her back.

Felicity's tears tapered off after a while, but she stayed in Donna's embrace. It was nice to finally have a mother that cared.

"Do you want to talk?" Donna asked, stroking Felicity's matted ponytail.

Felicity nodded, "But I can't. I can't tell you."

"Felicity, you can tell me anything," Donna pulled away to look her daughter in the eye, "I'm your mother."

Donna get a good look at Felicity while her daughter fought an internal battle. Felicity looked, frankly, like hell. Her face was red, her eyes bloodshot, but more than that, it was the look in her eyes that scared Donna a little. She looked empty, lost, like a piece of her soul was missing.

Felicity sniffed, "I _want _to tell you mom, but I really can't."

Donna sighed, "It's okay, Felicity. Why don't I make some soup?"

"That would be nice," Felicity mumbled, attempting and failing at smiling.

Donna kissed the top of Felicity's head and went into the kitchen, saying, "Why don't you go shower and change into comfortable clothes? I'll make some soup and we can put on some trashy TV. You can cry, talk, just stare at the wall, whatever you want to do."

Donna chewed the inside of her cheek, "Does that sound okay?"

Felicity appreciated the effort her mom was making.

"Yeah," she said, wiping at her face, "That sounds okay."

"Good," Donna smiled softly, "I'll be here when you get out."

Felicity pushed away from the couch and walked sluggishly into her bedroom. She was halfway through the doorway when she turned around and leaned her head into the kitchen.

"Mom?"

Donna turned, "Yes, honey?"

"Thanks for coming," Felicity said, brushing tears from her eyes.

Donna stepped forward and pulled Felicity into a huge hug, "Anytime."

Felicity was reluctant to break away from her mom's embrace. Somehow everything felt less real with her here, like everything that had happened in the last few days was some kind of horrible nightmare.

_Oliver was dead, _the dark little voice in the back of her head reminded her.

But her mom's arms were warm around her back, and Felicity wasn't feeling as hopeless as she had been hours ago.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: How're y'all holding up? I for one am screaming EBR's praises. She did an amazing job with last night's episode. That girl deserves all the awards. **

**So, this was kind of inspired by a Tumblr post I saw. I wanted to write something, so i did. **

**let me know what you think =D**


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